I started making myself write for 20 minutes each morning. straight through, no editing, no trying to make sense. I’d like to be more consistent with writing and this is how I am attempting to go about it. I am quite aware that these words i have here are probably only read over and over by me, but I am ok with that. I think.
Here is a small bit from the 20 minutes I spent writing this morning. I remember feeling really content with these words after I had written them, so I wanted to have them here. Instinctively – I would like to apologize for them and classify them as only rambling, but I am not going to do that, because I’d like to appreciate rather then criticize and I do believe they do justice to my current experiences. cheers,
I know i am enough, but i do not feel it. My brain knows it, my heart is weary of such information. My heart rebels against the words that my brain has engraved. The head to the heart journey is the longest journey there is. It is trepidous. Google is telling me that trepidous is not a real word but i know what it means. Trepidation? How do you use trepidation in a sentence? I do not know. I will try – She felt great trepidation as she climbed down from her head into her heart. Her heart had great tall mountains that were more intimidating then the ones in her head. Her head had calm waters, sometimes they flowed quickly over rocks, but they had a path next to them and you could lightly stick your feet in and splash around. The waters in her heart were different. There was no end, you were just there, right in the middle of the ocean. Twirling around as the waves lifted and fell beneath and over you. You had to always kick in those waters. Moments came when your feet would touch the ground, but moments later they would be quickly swept back up into the air. This journey is scary. But it is worth it, because one day those heart waters will become your favorite. You will learn to splash in them the way you learned to splash in the head waters. The heart mountains will scream your name the same way the head mountains do. It is a glorious thing – to be alive. I have not really ever quite felt this way about living before, even as a child i was deeply fearful of the unknown. Today i am better at embracing it. The head is easier to embrace, but it also gets in the way of connecting itself to its life source – the heart. I guess its a symbiotic relationship – because without the brain there is no heart and without the heart there is no brain. They need each other. They only thrive when both are pumping and sending signals correctly.